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MTV Canada: No cure for the common cold

Posted by Asmaa / June 24, 2006

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Having a summer cold sucks. Having a summer cold on a long weekend sucks even more. Sniffling on the couch all day yesterday, I deliriously turned to MTV Canada to take my mind off my angry sinuses – and all the fun everyone else was having.

I am not a particularly moralistic person, but the mothers who play Date My Mom should all go to Hell. The show takes an 18-year-old boy and sends him off on three dates with three different women who give him detailed descriptions of their daughters in an effort to get him to pick one of their precious babies. In the segments where they introduce the creepy she's-my-best-friend mother-daughter teams, the pimp-moms are super-competitive with their daughters and wear skimpy outfits to put their leathery tan cleavages on display.

On the dates with the guy, who you can tell has been directed to act like a chauvinist asshole, one of the moms showed off her daughter's itsy bitsy bikini and another told him, and I quote, "Baby's got rack and baby's got back." In perhaps the show's most offensive moment, the third mom told him a story about how her daughter's pee smelled like pickles. (well, you asked ... oh, you didn't? sorry.)

The New York Times recently did a story about MTV's My Super Sweet 16 and the phenomenon of the over-the-top coming-of-age extravaganza and they summed up the show rather nicely: "The show follows a simple but wildly successful formula: (1) kid makes a series of high-priced demands (a fireworks display, a helicopter ride, perhaps a harem of belly dancers); (2) parents capitulate and cough up the cash; (3) kid gleefully humiliates the uninvited; (4) something goes awry; (5) kid has a meltdown and repeatedly refers to self in the third person; (6) party miraculously comes together, and kid is presented with an automobile before his salivating, less fortunate peers."

In the case of Sophie, the Florida girl from yesterday's episode, the soon-to-be-16-year-old was a screaming witch whose mother spent $180,000 to throw her a Moulin Rouge-inspired party, including $10,000 for a "stylist" who helped her figure out what to wear. She should get her money back, because what she picked was a hideous pink and green Betsey Johnson halter number that made the zaftig teen's breasts splay out floppily, practically spread-eagle. (was that mean? well, so was she. read on.)

In the ultimate act of high school mean-girlishness, she arrived at her school in a Rolls Royce limousine with a chauffeur bearing plumed invitations. She made it a point to mock the people she had not invited because if they didn't get a feather, "I don't know and I don't care who you are." She went so far as to chase down a girl she hated and had pointedly not invited and publicly humiliate her for taking an invite that did not belong to her. She even had a picture of the poor girl posted at the entry of the party. (see, i told you she deserved it.)

Without a doubt, the best MTV reality show I watched yesterday was Pimp My Ride. Rapper Xzibit is a great, jokey host and the classic makeover show never tries to be anything but. Krissy, the Valley girl on yesterday's episode was 23 and had apparently gone through a rough spell with drugs. She had turned her life around, as everyone on feel-good reality television does, and was now getting her PhD in psychology. Her car, a corroding hunk of a VW Baja Bug, had one windshield wiper and an interior held together with blue bubble gum. My favourite part of the show is when the hilarious, burly, oil-stained guys at West Coast Customs have a pow-wow about their strategy to pimp the ride. There's the body guy, who picks Hulk green with purple accents; the tires guy, who picks out these insane chrome rims; the sound guy, who sees tricked-out speakers and DVD monitors in the door panels; and then the fey-y Hispanic guy, who envisions lava lamps and purple upholstery with green-and-white piping and "pretty flowers" embossed on the seats.

When they're all done, it is a pretty awesome-looking car. But you've got to wonder what's going to happen to poor Krissy's insurance premiums – and the ever-grossening L.A. smog. Then again, you've got to wonder if MTV Canada's' target brain-dead, consumerist demographic even gives a shit.

Discussion

15 Comments

mark / June 25, 2006 at 11:28 am
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not much to say about this, other than that the common cold seems to agree with your writing. not that it isn't always stellar - it is. just sayin' that enjoyed the flappy boobs out of that piece. kudos.
iwantmymtv / June 25, 2006 at 01:06 pm
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Like your cold, MTV's programming seems rife with germs. Dirty, dirty germs. Hopefully, unlike the common cold, there is some kind of cure.
lp farrell / June 28, 2006 at 10:15 am
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Glad you're feeling better. Now
pitch that show where the mom from L.A preparing for her daughter's Quinceanera does a switcheroo with a mom from My Super sweet 16. I might even upgrade from basic cable for that.
Tlymikgl / October 3, 2007 at 02:27 am
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Drsybm / October 3, 2007 at 06:11 am
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Chlhqobsfi / October 3, 2007 at 11:21 am
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Samyra / February 4, 2015 at 05:41 am
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Hi I was thinking about the ltgihs. I think that in the expreso setup is this: For me works fine.1. create a cylinder and then create an area light. (put the cilynder in rotaion H=-90ba2. In the light details, select and object. Put the cylinder as the object.3. Put the light as visible.4. Create an xpresso tag.5. Put the cylinder object as the fisrts object and select global rotation , H rotation in the output.6. Creates a range mapper. connect with the cylinder output.7. In the properties of the mapper put input units: degrees output units user defined.Now:input lower -90bainput upper: 0baoutput lower 0%output upper 100% (or whatever you want, this is gonna be thee intensity for the light)8. finally, put the light in the expresso manager, and then in the input select general>intensity. Connect with the range mapper.That works for me When you rotate the cylinder up, its gonna be more intense until reach the 0ba.Of course you need the setup for the attactor to automate the the rotation I just hope this could be helpful and of course lets see if I come close to a solution. I could post the file if someone need it.Bye .
Samyra / February 4, 2015 at 05:41 am
user-pic
Hi I was thinking about the ltgihs. I think that in the expreso setup is this: For me works fine.1. create a cylinder and then create an area light. (put the cilynder in rotaion H=-90ba2. In the light details, select and object. Put the cylinder as the object.3. Put the light as visible.4. Create an xpresso tag.5. Put the cylinder object as the fisrts object and select global rotation , H rotation in the output.6. Creates a range mapper. connect with the cylinder output.7. In the properties of the mapper put input units: degrees output units user defined.Now:input lower -90bainput upper: 0baoutput lower 0%output upper 100% (or whatever you want, this is gonna be thee intensity for the light)8. finally, put the light in the expresso manager, and then in the input select general>intensity. Connect with the range mapper.That works for me When you rotate the cylinder up, its gonna be more intense until reach the 0ba.Of course you need the setup for the attactor to automate the the rotation I just hope this could be helpful and of course lets see if I come close to a solution. I could post the file if someone need it.Bye .
Samyra / February 4, 2015 at 05:41 am
user-pic
Hi I was thinking about the ltgihs. I think that in the expreso setup is this: For me works fine.1. create a cylinder and then create an area light. (put the cilynder in rotaion H=-90ba2. In the light details, select and object. Put the cylinder as the object.3. Put the light as visible.4. Create an xpresso tag.5. Put the cylinder object as the fisrts object and select global rotation , H rotation in the output.6. Creates a range mapper. connect with the cylinder output.7. In the properties of the mapper put input units: degrees output units user defined.Now:input lower -90bainput upper: 0baoutput lower 0%output upper 100% (or whatever you want, this is gonna be thee intensity for the light)8. finally, put the light in the expresso manager, and then in the input select general>intensity. Connect with the range mapper.That works for me When you rotate the cylinder up, its gonna be more intense until reach the 0ba.Of course you need the setup for the attactor to automate the the rotation I just hope this could be helpful and of course lets see if I come close to a solution. I could post the file if someone need it.Bye .

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