Saturday, October 19, 2019Light Snow -5°C

CONTEST: Win Osheaga Tickets!

Posted by Valerie / July 28, 2009

osheaga.jpgYes you read it right: We are giving away two Osheaga tickets (one for each day) to one lucky person.

Despite the shocking news on the Beastie Boys (hope MCA gets well soon), Osheaga came up with a pretty good fix: moving the Yeah Yeah Yeahs from afternoon to headlining spot and replacing them with a band that hasn't played here since the release of their buzz-inducing album - maybe you've heard of them, they're called Vampire Weekend I think.

Get ready for some Midnight Poutine coverage of the festival through the blog and our Twitter page!

For now though, let's focus on this contest:

What is asked of you: if the two main acts' leaders, Chris Martin and Karen O, would face each other in a duel, who would win and why?
Be funny, creative, impressive!
You have until Thursday 9:00 AM to post your comment.

Osheaga Music & Arts Festival
Saturday August 1st
Sunday August 2nd
Parc Jean-Drapeau
Free STM transportation for all ticket holders



Trevor / July 29, 2009 at 12:33 am
Chris Martin was used to adoration - especially from his female fans - so when the fashionable young woman started towards him, he prepared for the usual compliments and fauning. Instead, she stepped on his toe and tried to shove her way past him.
"Out of the way, old man" she muttered.
"OLD?" barked Chris? "I'm only 32, you pompous little girl!"
"Hah! Two years older than me, you geezer!" She laughed, and continued to try to pry her way past him.
"Well, sorry, YOUNG lady, but this way is for performers only..."
"Don't you know who I am?" she barked. "I'm a musician!"
"Oh yeah?" he asked, raising his nose.
"Actually, it's Yeah Yeah Yeahs, you wanker..."
"WANKER?!" He cried. "NO ONE calles ME a wanker! Have at you, woman!"
"Bring it on!" she yelled "I'm Karen O, and the O stands for "OH MY GOD, SHE JUST KILLED THAT COLDPLAY GUY!"
With that, she grabbed a sewing needle from a nearby friend, and proceeded to stab at Chris' chest.
"That's all you've got?" he hollered. "Here's how we fight in England!" He thrust his head forward, smacking her in the face with a hooliganish headbutt. "Oy!"
Karen stumbled back, stunned, nearly stumbling off the stage. She caught her balance, and stormed back at him, pulling a set of brass knuckles from her purse.
"And this is how we fight in Jersey!" she screamed, as her tiny metal-laden fist connected with his jaw.
Chris fell backwards, stunned. Brass knuckles? He was going to need some help.
"Johnny! Will! Guy! Come help me mop the floor with this git!"
But his bandmates stood firm. "Sorry mate," said Johnny, "but this is a duel - proper etiquette we can't interfere."
"And besides, you wanted a solo project, didn't ya?" asked Guy, before the lot of them exploded into laughter, and walked away.
"Wankers," muttered Chris.
"What's this crap about rules and duels?" yelled a voice behind Karen. She spun to find Peaches and Johnny Knoxville at her side. "Let's go Backass on this guy!"
Knoxville and Peaches each grabbed an arm, and hauled Chris to his feet. He looked up, to find Karen aiming those brass knuckles straight for his nose...
"This is where the Wild Things REALLY are" she exclaimed, swinging a perfect fist into his gob at the speed of sound, knocking him into sweet unconciousness.
"You wanker."
Isabelle / July 29, 2009 at 03:14 am
They would fight over who has the coolest jacket: Chris Martin's Napoleon one or Karen O's glam-rock "Zero" one.

Karen chugs half a bottle of beer and pours the rest on Chris. Gwyneth Paltrow freaks out because her husband ingested a minute amount of something not microbiotic. She kicks Karen with her crazy pilates legs and covers her with GOOP. She then drags Chris off by the balls as he whimpers in his signature falsetto.
Philippe M / July 29, 2009 at 09:19 am
The duel unfortunatly had to be cancelled. Chris Martin never showed up.


PS: Valerie, you owe me one :) :) haha
Samuel D. / July 29, 2009 at 12:53 pm

What I would like to see is Chris Martin against MCA. And Gwyneth against Karen O.

PS: My vote to Karen.
Chris Clark / July 29, 2009 at 03:10 pm
Karen would win the fight simply by revealing 'ZERO' is about Chris Martin.
Elizabeth / July 29, 2009 at 09:25 pm

<p>In the case of a duel between Chris Martin and Karen O, a simple analysis of their respective song titles will allow us to determine the winner. For example, the following is a plausible scenario for such a duel:</p>

<p><i>Karen O marches toward Chris Martin, her face set into the mask of a Warrior. Chris Martin tries to tell himself, “Don’t Panic,” however the Shiver that ripples involuntarily through his body betrays his true emotions. He tries to ignore the Sparks flying from her eyes.<br/>
“I’ve come to put you In [Your] Place,” she announces.<br/>
He swallows, telling himself he should have seen the Warning Sign[s] before it was too late. “Can’t we just Talk?” he pleads. “What If we tried being friends?”<br/>
“No No No,” she replies, “I have to do some major Y Control here. Heads Will Roll, Mr. Martin.”<br/>
“But -”, he tries to say, but it comes out as A Whisper. “I could try to Fix You - you are not thinking clearly. I fear you may have Lost! your mind.”<br/>
“Oh, Man up!” Karen cries, as she Pin[s] him against the wall, angry at how he refuses to fight back. “You sure know how to Tick me off.”<br/>
Chris Martin tries in vain to escape her grasp. “Oh, please, don’t you even try to Runaway,” she adds.<br/>
And, faster than the Speed of Sound, - Bang! - she Clocks him in the nose. After several minutes, Karen calms down enough to feel slightly less Hysteric. “Enjoy your Date with the Night”, she spits on her Way Out. She walks away, leaving Chris fighting A Rush of Blood to the Head.<br/>
“Oh Yes, that woman spells Trouble,” is his last conscious thought as the Daylight slowly slips away around him.</i></p>

<p>Thus, it is easy to deduce that Chris Martin is no match for Karen O.<;/p>

nehal / July 29, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Yes, Chris Martin may live his life in Technicolor traipsing the cemeteries of London and haunting lost lovers in Japan, but death and all his 42 friends couldn’t inspire Martin to take a strawberry swing at Karen O…so maybe he should just climb that violet hill, embrace his pacifism, and sing a little ‘Viva la Vida’.

Karen O is the runaway dragon queen who will ensure that heads will roll. She’s got an angle on Martin’s dull life, shame and fortune and hysterics and will cast a little shadow on all the skeletons in his closet that will leave him with zero chance at winning this fight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!
j / July 30, 2009 at 02:07 am
A duel of wits of the most 'tude, most natural and most obscure references alluded to in a 3 question, 3-minute blog interview.

1. Who were your biggest influences in your music career?

CM: Well, my biggest influence was my mother who cultivated me into the young, affluent man I am today. She would listen to Norwegian progressive rock every night while I was in the womb to condition my ears and tastes to the unique, refined style you hear today. I love to sit by the Danube River in the Black Forest of Germany and draw inspiration from there.

KO: Well, man... what doesn't influence me? No matter what you do, everything and everyone influences you in some way. Sometimes I just shout and run around in circles blastin' some post-punk-afro-revival beats and the influence and inspiration just flows through my veins. It's such a rush.

2. How would you describe your sound to someone who's never listened to you or your band before?

CM: Like nothing you've ever heard before. Not Radiohead, NOT U2, nothing like that. We're English but we ain't no Beatles. We're the sound you hear when you break out of the mid-twenties age bracket and realize, shit... you're stuck in reverrrrsseeee.... could it be worse?

KO: Hey man, I'm half-korean and half-polish, do I LOOK like I'd sound like someone else? We just play rad music for some rad folk. We sound like the party you're missing out on... and the first time you ran away from home when life was unfair.

3. What's some advice you'd give to young aspiring artists following in your footsteps?

CM: Just keep following and you'll get there. And don't forget, your city is the greatest city in the world.

KO: Try hard or be born to a rich daddy. You're Zero! No one's gonna ask you your name! Better find out where they want you to go!


Karen O hands down won this. Girl's got spunk - sorry Martins.

Kashmir / July 30, 2009 at 04:16 am
On a moonlit bridge at night,
A stranger once observed a fight:
A skinny knight in shabby tights
Stood clumsily just to his right.
Facing a lady twice his height,
Her leather costume quite skintight.
Knowing that he had no chance
The knight devised some cunning plans:
He’d pretend to offer truce
Then kick her off her platform shoes.
But the stranger knew his game
For Satriani was his name.
And swiftly, with a power chord,
He cut right through the evil lord.
The lady, thankful, took his hand,
And took him to big apple land.
Valerie / July 31, 2009 at 10:15 am

What a tough choice here!
Congrats to Trevor for winning the tickets.
Mad props to Elizabeth who was really really close behind.

Thanks everyone for your great stories, you made me laugh and you made me cry a bit too.

Philippe M: Sorry buddy, better luck next time :)
how to get A job at Google / October 18, 2012 at 03:35 pm
Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading?
I'm trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it's the blog.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Wedneday / March 31, 2016 at 10:23 pm

Thank you for any other informative blog. Where else
may I am getting that kind of information written in such an ideal way?
I've a challenge that I'm simply now operating on, and I have been on the look out for
such info.

Add a Comment

Other Cities: Toronto