Of course, the big news of the day is, surprise! It's snowing. Welcome to Canada. Find all the updates on storm closures here. But while we wait to find out whether we're all DOOOOOOMED, (answer: "yes"), you can kill time by practicing being a Stoic Pioneer. For while a major snow hearkens back to blizzards on the endless prairie, being thrust back into the days of do-it-yourself medicine is what really stirs a latent frontiersman's soul. Don't get the flu. Don't get hypothermia. Stay home and read the Good Book by the fire. Discuss politics. Practice stitching your own wounds.
Barring that, here are our top picks for what's new and godless in Montreal this weekend.
FILM: Opening today is the new David Fincher film Zodiac, which should bring out a particularly rabid breed of fan. Also premiering is a Montreal-based documentary, Chez Schwartz, about the famed eatery.
FESTIVAL: White night indeed. Assuming you can shove your front door open, make sure you swing out to the Montreal Nuit Blanche, the High Lights' all-nighter starting Saturday night.
MUSIC: The combination of TV on the Radio and Subtle at Olympia ought to be memorable, but if you're feeling like breaking out of the indie rut, consider checking out the highly praised "Diva of Fado" Misia, at the Place-des-Arts.
TV: If the weather's really got you stuck, just stay in and watch a five-episode marathon of the new Montreal-based Leslie Neilsen show, Doctor*ology. Think Scrubs re-imagined by the Discovery Channel. Learn medicine from "Don't call me Shirley." Imagine that.
*Photo courtesy of w00kie
People's priorities get out of whack when they think about metal. It is not about CANNIBAL LUST. It is not about CUM-HUNGRY DEMON SPAWN. It is not even about hair. It is about SHREDDING. Awesome shredding. Ok, and a little bit about the hair.
Last night Dragonforce played the Metropolis with Killswitch Engage, Chimaira and He is Legend. They weren't even the headliner, but they were the only ones who counted for they and they alone have the power of the circle shred. You don't even know what that is, do you? BUT YOU WANT TO. And they have stage leaping. And SUCH GOOD HAIR. And kids, last night (I have to tell you this), I checked one of my lifegoals off my list.
I. Crowdsurfed. Dragonforce!!!
IS THIS AWESOME? (Y/N?)
Is February over yet?
The Montreal High Lights festival is soldiering on, bringing your entire monthly food budget in the form of sculpted croutons to the dinner tables of the city's gourmet elite. Nevertheless, don't forget to check for budget-y High Lights specials the next time you go out to eat.
And speaking of the starving artist crowd, flyposting is about to become strictly verboten on the streets of Ville-Marie. Granted, we're all trying to tidy things up around here, but what's the Plateau without event posters? I'll tell you what it is. A STRIP MALL.
Nevertheless, the people rejoice! To celebrate the "saving" of Park Ave., locals will be throwing a party this Saturday, at 7 PM. Check it out at the Realto Paradiso and revel in the power of the people. Meanwhile, we're still going to be in Afghanistan until 2009.
Speaking of roads with, um, names. There are presently 15 commemoratively named roads on the map, honoring feminists, nuns, and the first recorded black person in Canada. Unfortunately, these roads don't actually exist. Activism for the undead. Save the ghost roads! Jesus won't.
Montreal legend Ryan Larkin passed away at age 63, on February 14, 2007. He had recently been diagnosed with brain cancer.
The one-time Oscar nominee for the short animated film Walking, was perhaps best known as the subject of the Oscar-winning short animation Ryan, above. He was an artist who--perhaps--opted into poverty, despite being on the very brink of major commercial success. As late as last summer, he could be found panhandling or having a quiet drink in the Copacabana on St-Laurent.
He was very much a part of the Plateau neighborhood and, although perhaps it seems easy to say it, he'll be missed. Whether his story seems tragic or an inspiration, he was still a little piece of Montreal's magic. Rest in peace, Ryan.
And speaking of those with hot butts (budda ching!), Montreal is installing 180 ashtrays outside of Metro stations. As a result, littering is about to become a prioritized and ticketable offense in Montreal. Yes, Montreal, you've been a dirty girl, and now the cops are after you. You're just like Thelma and Louise! And I'd drive over a cliff with you any day.
Meanwhile, as the Shriner's threaten to leave us, the Vachibou has just arrived... and not everyone's keen about it. Half cow, half caribou, the sculpture gift from France representing the union of two great nations could become the mascot for Quebec City's 400th birthday, except, as some have sagely pointed out, it looks more like a damn moose. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, and other symbols of unbridled hotness, fail to enter Quebec in droves. Connection?
Oh, and since you asked, yes the U.S.A. has stranded an Iraqi citizen in Montreal, bringing home a new worldwide trend to abruptly deny entry to Iraqis holding older passports. All those in possession of Vachibous are asked to meet up at midnight. Storm the gates, Quebec style.
The people of Montreal (en: Montrealer, fr: Montréalais, normals: Not-in-Reality-ers) are composed of three classes (mainly by first or/and prefered domestic, national or international language):
* French identifiable by their crude language and religious devotion toward the Flying Spaghetti Monster
* Englishmen who only stay because they are so very, very, very, very drunk
* Immigrants who do all the work and get nothing in return.
Due to the somewhat hard climate, the Montrealers have built a massive tunnel system, which is 89.4% cooler than Lompoc's retarded skyways. The population, upon seeing the coming winter, will instinctively burrow into the many burrow holes (potholes) and hibernate for six months, awaking only to buy more alcohol or to have sex.