From the Montreal entry at Uncyclopedia:

People

The people of Montreal (en: Montrealer, fr: Montréalais, normals: Not-in-Reality-ers) are composed of three classes (mainly by first or/and prefered domestic, national or international language):

* French identifiable by their crude language and religious devotion toward the Flying Spaghetti Monster
* Englishmen who only stay because they are so very, very, very, very drunk
* Immigrants who do all the work and get nothing in return.

Due to the somewhat hard climate, the Montrealers have built a massive tunnel system, which is 89.4% cooler than Lompoc's retarded skyways. The population, upon seeing the coming winter, will instinctively burrow into the many burrow holes (potholes) and hibernate for six months, awaking only to buy more alcohol or to have sex.