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The Worst Thing on the Main

Posted by Laura / June 30, 2009

20090708house.jpgHouse Nightclub is the worst. It's. The. Worst. This isn't news to you if you live the Plateau and party on the Main, but if you don't, let me tell you. This place, housed in an old bank building and truly beautiful from the outside, is a tumor on an otherwise healthy and wonderful body. It's gone through a lot of names in the years I've lived here, but its general awfulness has never changed. Clubs in general don't bother me. I can get down with Usher and Rihanna and vodka Redbulls as well as the next guy. So what is it about this place in particular?

Unfailingly, every weekend night begins with an enormous line-up of people all gussied up in their shiniest finest, yelling and screaming and generally acting like they're going somewhere you'd never want to be. And just as reliably, every one of those nights ends with the corner of Mont-Royal and St-Laurent being terrorized by beligerent, drunk shitheads. There's always somebody chasing somebody else across the street, yelling and ripping their shirt off. There's always somebody punching somebody. There's ALWAYS at least one girl crying and one girl puking. More often that not, you see a cop car and an ambulance, just there as a precaution.

Why a place like this is allowed to thrive and flourish when, up the street, Casa del Popolo and le cagibi are straining against a recent crackdown on zoning specifications and having to work so hard to stay afloat is beyond me. The police have been targeting these hubs of the local community, giving out tickets ranging up into the hundreds if anyone's caught getting a glass of red wine without ordering a burrito, because the neighbourhood doesn't want to be disturbed by a bunch of rowdy, drunk people (really makes you wonder if they actually mean "rowdy, drunk lesbians"?). But when is the last time anyone punched anyone on the sidewalk outside Casa? When's the last time the corner of St-Laurent and St-Viateur was turned into a death trap by a bunch of puking, shirtless 20-year-olds? I can believe that these places offend certain sensibilities, but really. To me it hardly seems comparable.

The other night, walking home down the Main on his birthday, a drunk (and admittedly surly) friend of mine encountered a crowd of dudes outside House, looking like they were jonesing for a fight. As an aside, can you imagine what that feels like? Actually wanting to get into a fight? If you can, I hope we are never friends. Anyway, because he was acting a big old fool, my friend got a little bit up in one of the guy's faces, probably because the guy's gel and perfume smelled like heaven, and my friend is only human. He didn't touch him or make any move like he was going to, he just made some rude little noises. And he got punched right in the eye, starting bleeding everywhere, and the dude's friends descended on him, totally pulverizing him. They gave him $50 to leave before the cops showed up. Since this happened, half the people I've told the story to have said things like "that happens all the time, it's not a big deal," blah blah blah. Which is just the worst. It's lucky he's alright so that he can laugh about it already, but fuck that. Adults shouldn't punch each other in the face for being pests. I just don't understand how anyone could argue that. It breaks my heart that this is common anywhere and that people are so reluctant to identify violence when they see it. It boils my blood that it's allowed to happen so routinely and considered so legitimate.

I guess my point is that if you like to go to House, please don't punch my friends? But I feel like there was more to it than that.



Radwan / February 4, 2015 at 08:00 am
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golu dolls / January 29, 2019 at 05:56 am
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