Since Luc found himself a lovely lady this year someone's got to pick up the Valentines Day slack around here. And that would be me. His sage wisdom still applies, though, so get your notebooks out and hunker down for some love-learning.

Am I really saying Luc is a Valentines Day genius? Well, lets not get carried away, but it worked for him. So mademoiselled, here's what you need to know to get your man a V-Day present that isn't heart-shaped hamburgers. And fellas, here's what to do when your hair grows longer and more lustrous than hers.

Normally in that case I would say it's time to cut ties as well as split ends, but something tells me Luc would say no. I mean, he's right about Mel Gibson and about diamonds, after all, so I'll trust him.

And since many of last year's singledom activities don't apply (though I still encourage you not to call your parents), here are some more up-to-date suggestions:

Free Valentines Day "F***-You" Dance Class at the Royal Phoenix: On Feb 14th at 10:00pm you can shake your booty to Cee Lo Green's generally bleeped-out "F***-You". Beginner level choreography by Robin Henderson (aka Dance Tiger) of comedy-dance tribe DANCE ANIMAL. Luc would definitely approve of this. Heck, maybe he and his special someone would want to dress up in the matching "I'm Not with Stupid Anymore" t-shirts featured on the event facebook page to show how far they've come from dating lesser people.

Cee Lo Green singing a timely classic

Vegetarian Speed Dating at Jubar: On Saturday, Feb. 11, in a hole-in-the-wall vegan and gluten-free restaurant in the same building as Moksha Yoga on St-Laurent, $20 gets you conversations about tofu and how much you love downward dog. One of those things is potentially sexy. And if you walk out date-less you might at least out with a door prize. And that could be even better than a date, really. I mean, how many dates have you had that were worse than a box of vegan chocolates? Probably lots. Probably I've had enough for all of us. Besides, the odds are in your favour if you've had a few crappy valentines days in the past. Karmic balance and all...

But if you're the kind of person who insists on going out to a restaurant, well good luck getting a reservation now, but I stand by my picks from last year.

And a few other date suggestions:

Oysters are supposedly aphrodisiac and if you buy a bunch and shuck them at home they'll cost you less than a fancy restaurant meal, but if you've never opened them before or you're no good at it, don't try it. It's messy and time-consuming, and really there are better things to be doing with your time on valentines day, theoretically.

Don't cook a big, heavy dinner. Think lighter fare and then a late-night cold buffet (roasted vegetables, maybe paté - or vegepaté if you swing that way) for when you're actually hungry. Chocolate comes before. Much neater than oysters...probably.

Ooh! Instead of buying chocolates, make your own dairy-free, gluten-free peanut butter cups (or peanut butter balls rolled in melted chocolate). And if it's peanut butter cups for one, well, at least you've got lots of peanut butter cups and no one to tell you should probably lay off your fifth peanut butter cup. Win-win.

Well I'm all love idea-d out. I know, I know, Luc did better. Luc also ended up with a special someone this year. Coincidence? Or Karma? Guess I better go find a twenty...