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Feeling a little Aneros?

Posted by Omar / January 14, 2007

I personally do not experience sex so frequently that I might tire of my traditional run-of-the-mill orgasm. Old-fashioned orgasms are fine by me. And aside what my last searches on Google might turn up, I actually have fairly pedestrian tastes in sexual practices. As the excellent band Journey put it, "loving, touching, squeezing each other" is good enough for me (and of course, oral). A simple man with simple pleasures, I suppose.

However, I'm sure that there are men out there who simply want more. Men who are interested in experiencing radical, non-conformist orgasms of a new and varied kind. For all of you adventurous s.o.b.s, I suggest checking out the Aneros MGX Massager.

According to their website:

What makes the Aneros truly unique is that it is a hands-free, self-propelled device. The Aneros converts the anal sphincter's natural motions and contractions directly into stimulation of the prostate and perineum, meaning that the user does not use it have to use it manually. That's right, no hands!

Now believe it or not, I actually have a friend who has ordered one already. And say what you will, but I am in so much awe of his sexually-adventurous spirit that I am officially going to refer to him as a Sex Ninja. Or maybe an Orgasma-Samurai. Haven't decided.

Supposedly, the Aneros was invented and patented for medical purposes at first. But then it was soon discovered to make the old men with swollen prostates it was invented for shudder like they were being 'touched for the very first time.'

It appears, Dr. Benway (for those of you who've read Naked Lunch), that when you insert a strange squiggly apparatus into the anus and contract the sphincter, it massages the prostrate, otherwise known as THE MALE G-SPOT.

But the really interesting thing for me about this device is that it promises to men the kind of orgasms that only women have been able to experience. Not only does this device get you off, it brings a closer understanding in the ongoing gender wars of our times.

Firstly, Aneros claims that this device can bring men the ability to have multiple orgasms. Multiple orgasms? When the fuck would I have time to sleep? But I digress...

Secondly, the orgasms last for a long time, and do not necessarily coincide with ejaculation. What? Huh? Dumb male brain cannot compute...

Thirdly, the descriptions of the orgasms from the testimonials are typically more 'feminine' in their description:

'...the deep feeling exploded like a massive wave of pleasure running in waves up my whole body making it feel tingly and unexplainable....'

'...the buildup is unbelievable as well. The intense feelings that radiate throughout your body (and not localized like regular orgasms) is something that cannot be adequately described in words...'

Call me crazy, but this sounds like some serious gender-deconstructing, Freudian, freak-fest of a sex toy. For curiosity alone, I myself am contemplating turning to the dark side (all puns intended).

In the end (no pun intended there), I probably won't because I am also a ferocious coward.

But I should really take no pride there. Are we as men still so defensive and protective of our masculinity that inserting a tentacle-like apparatus up the butt can make us all feel a little brokeback mountain? What about our lofty intellectual pursuits to deconstruct gender? Is that a lot of academic posturing? I say we put our money where our sphincters are.

Are we ready for the Aneros? Or does this seem as ridiculous as Arnold Schwarzenegger giving birth?




J Mac / January 14, 2007 at 02:53 pm
Best post in the history of the world. Let's officially retire this blog.
scott / January 15, 2007 at 12:31 pm
totally. i didn't see the dr. benway thing, ahem, coming, but it totally makes sense.
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