Wednesday, September 18, 2019Light Snow -5°C
Film

Public Enemy #1: A Cinema Du Parc Mea Culpa

Posted by MP / July 27, 2006

By: That traitor with the glasses

At this point, it is not news to anybody that the poor little movie house known as Cinema Du Parc is set to shut its doors, possibly for good. And as is so often the case, a grief-stricken citizenry looks to lay blame upon someone, to give its formless anger a face and name, and it is in the interest of this very human reaction to a great loss that I write this confession: I am the reason they are closing the Cinema Du Parc.

Now, I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “how can you be the reason for the Cinema Du Parc’s failure?” Well, if you will just calm down for a few moments, I will explain. You see, over the past several years, I had begun to lose my passion for the job. I was only half-heartedly tearing tickets, gesturing towards cinemas with a limp wrist and hooded stare. I had stopped wishing people a “bon cinema,” and could hardly recite the running times of films without choking on my own frustration. At the time, I didn’t see the danger, but after taking a look at the numbers, and talking with several experts in Customer Service and Human Resources, it seems that the day I lost my passion for that job was the beginning of the end for that doomed little institution.

And now, in the interest of maintaining community peace, to ensure that there will be no angry mobs prowling the streets hollering for my blood, I give myself up to you. That’s right, I make myself available to you people, in this, your time of grief, when the realization has become most clear that the Cinema Du Parc will no longer be there for first dates, for rainy days, for the contemplation of rare and interesting films. I am surrendering to you, Montreal, in the hopes that one day we can have peace; in the hopes that scars may be healed by the spilling of guilty blood, my guilty blood.

So here’s how it’s going to work: We’re going to start with an effigy burning, wherein revelers will be encouraged to chant “Damn you! Damn you for taking away the only place where we could see Eraserhead! Damn you for taking away the only place that still used real butter on their popcorn! Damn you for dooming this city to a lifetime of megaplexes and near-android customer service!” After that, there will be a public hanging, wherein people will be encouraged to pelt my body with stones ranging from medium to large to sternum-crushing. Then my body will be taken down, tied to a horse, and dragged up and down St. Laurent until every Montrealer has had a chance to spit on my corpse. When that is done, I am thinking either to leave my body hanging from a telephone pole so that all passers-by can see what the man who closed Cinema Du Parc looked like, or entomb me at the AMC or Paramount as a hero of the giant Multiplex industry, who in his cunning and intrigue, felled their last opponent in this city. Tickets for this bloodletting will be available at Casa Del Popolo and Cheap Thrills.

It is my hope that once I am gone, the city will be able to heal itself. And I, with my tremendous guilt, will finally be able to rest, gone from a world drained of a little more colour.

Sic Transit Gloria! Glory Fades, and happy trails to all y’all.

Discussion

8 Comments

drew / July 27, 2006 at 02:12 pm
user-pic
I am happy to see you have faced your failure--first step, my friend, first step.

Yeah, I remember the day you lost your passion well. And I did decide then never to return to Parc; or, for that matter, to watch a film ever again.

Must you ruin everything?
Rudy / February 3, 2015 at 11:44 pm
user-pic
So I guess if they want to use that argument then any dinesiocs or appointments the Liberal's and Paul Martin made were unconstitutional as well then, no? Remember Martin cancelled all opposition days and put off any votes for as long as he could when he realized he was about to be voted down. If memory serves right, he made changes to the tax rate, rammed through billions in spending, etc.

Add a Comment

Other Cities: Toronto