(Attn: Spoilers)

Saturday, a pal and I shambled our frozen little selves this way and that around St. Henri, eventually ending up at the Centre St-Ambroise to see an 8:30 p.m. screening of The Room. We discovered that the best way to conquer the cold of Montreal's winter nights (aside from a steaming heap of poutine, of course) is by laughing uncontrollably (read: obnoxiously) and hurling a rather shameful amount of plastic spoons at a projection screen.

The Room, released in 2003, is oft described as a black comedy, and less charitably, as the worst film ever made (in company of: Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and Troll II, as previously covered by yours truly). However, The Room was not intended as either of these things, in fact, it was a sincere effort at a drama directed by, written by and starring Tommy Wiseau.

Wiseau is a figure shrouded in mystery. Despite having a thick Eastern European accent, he claims to have grown up in New Orleans and lived in France, as well as San Francisco. Curiously, Wiseau managed to raise over $6 million to create the film without any studio support. This has lead to widespread speculation as to how he came to possess such a large sum of money. He has been quoted, cryptically, crediting his wealth to a Korean clothing import business he is involved with. This sounds like baloney to me, shady, shady baloney. My theory is that Wiseau is actually a one thousand year-old vampire aristocrat who subsists on the blood of the living. Heck, one can imagine he'd squirrel away a few million dollars, having been around so long. Way more plausible.

The Room is about a love triangle between Tommy Wiseau (Johnny), Juliette Danielle (Lisa) and Greg Sestero (Mark). Johnny and Lisa and are set to be married, however, Lisa ends up having an affair with Johnny's best friend Mark. The consequences of which are dire. What makes the film a spectacular failure is the stilted acting, out of focus camera work, inexplicable appearance of irrelevant characters and plot twists, terrible, drawn-out love scenes, poorly acted fight scenes and nonsensical script writing. Need I say more?

The evening, organized by The Room -Montreal Monthly Screenings and sponsored by CKUT 90.3 FM and the Centre St. Ambroise, also included skits performed by organizers Dan Ahmad and Denise L'Hirondelle, popcorn and beer on sale and complimentary dollar store spoons.

Audience members were informed about the special screening rules. The most important rule is to yell, "Spoon!" and throw a spoon at the screen every time you see one (almost all the artwork in the film features spoons). Another is to scream "Sestosterone!" whenever Sestero appears on-screen. Yelling, "Focus/Unfocus!" whenever the camera does so is another imperative. The film also features long, stock-image style panning of the Golden Gate Bridge (à la Full House), to which you're supposed to chant, "Go! Go! Go!" until the panning stops. Finally, when a new and ultimately superfluous character comes on-screen one shouts, "Who the f--- are you!?"

While many of the guidelines were respected, the event ultimately descended into an all-out, no holds barred spoon-fest. There were spoons soaring majestically above and into the heads of audience members throughout the entire film. While, for the most part, I tried to follow the audience guidelines, I could not help yelling, "Denim dreaaamboooat!" when Sestero appeared in an all-denim jacket and jean combo; I punctuated my comment with a rather belligerent spoon throw. Most everyone was excited and drunk off their own sense of hilarity. Thus, some delightfully lewd remarks were made, particularly during the awkward love scenes. Specifically, during the scene in which Lisa and Mark find Johnny's suicided body, (see, I told you there were spoilers) one audience member yelled, "Make love on his corpse!" The group, hushed at the sight of Johnny's sad, lifeless form, suddenly broke out into laughter.

The room in which we viewed The Room (har har) was packed to maximum capacity and, according to The Room -Montreal Monthly Screenings' Facebook page, over 12,000 spoons were thrown. Also proof of the evening's success is the sheer amount of times my friends and I have been quoting The Room since seeing it. For example, there's a particularly gut-wrenching scene where Johnny yells, "You're tearing me apart Lisa!" Also, Johnny has a habit of jauntily saying, "Oh hi (insert name)" whenever he sees a friend. In another scene, one of the totally useless characters recounts a story about loosing and then shamefully retrieving his underwear, to which Johnny says, "Ah, underpants. I get the picture."

The Room -Montreal Monthly Screenings will be hosting another screening on February 27th at the Centre St. Ambroise (5080-A St-Ambroise).

More information can be found on the organizer's Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=511009176#/pages/The-Room-Montreal-Monthly-Screenings/

Picture from The Room -Official Movie Site, http://www.theroommovie.com/