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Food, Media

So Telus Fido, is Rogers a bit stinky?

Posted by Cat / December 8, 2005

Welcome to Midnight Poutine's soon-to-be somewhat regular feature: "Cheese meets Cheez". This is Montréal, after all, where fabulous food and a certain je ne sais quoi abound in equal measure. We will educate and we will denigrate, we will promote and we will demote. We will teach you, the reader, about one undeniably great cheese (the dairy product) and how to appreciate it. We will also share with you one questionably great "cheez" (the cultural product) for your amusement and annoyance.

Hold your noses. Today we present a primer on cheese (for the uninitiated) and a review of recent wireless phone ad campaigns.

Cheese: A primer
Take some milk (raw or pasteurized, but that's a whole other debate), heat it, add starter culture, heat some more, add rennet (animal or vegetable), and watch milk mass solidify. Cut the curds, drain the whey, salt curds, scoop into cheese moulds, press, flip, press again, flip again, age, age, age and voila! Cheese. Of course, there are many combinations and permutations along the way in order to end up with a Camembert, a Stilton, or Parmigiano Reggiano. But we'll examine that in due course. Cheese can be made with cow's, sheep's, or goat's milk. Mozzarella di bufala uses water buffalo milk and there is even a Tibetan yak's milk cheese. So much cheese to explore!

Cheez: Wireless ad campaigns
Do you like bunnies? Do you like puppies? Who doesn't like bunnies or puppies? Who doesn't like cell phones? How about morons? A hop, yip, and a thump and you too can watch wireless TV while crossing a busy intersection.

The Telus bunnies are cute. So are the Fido pooches. The Bell beavers are downright creepy. But the Rogers goofballs are just unfortunate. First, the three teens were given the directive to "rock out" after being dressed by their mothers and/or legal guardians. Now, just in time for the holidays, their shiny, disembodied heads are forever doomed to be typecast as "jackass with antlers" or "snow queen with botched highlights". Sure hope Rogers made it worth the while of these aspiring thespi-careerists*. Santa, show these kids some mercy!

*Thespian: of drama. Derives from Thespis, a Greek tragedian. Tragic indeed.



J Mac / December 9, 2005 at 03:58 pm
Is it safe to assume that making processed cheese, i.e., cheez, is not at all like making cheese? Like, not at all? Not even a little bit?
Cat / December 9, 2005 at 05:33 pm
Processed - sometimes lazily listed as "process" - cheese is what you might call a cheese by-product. While most, but not all, processed cheeses contain some natural cheese content, these amounts vary greatly. The "real" cheese is blended with vegetable-based gums, dyes, emulsifiers, and stabilizers. There is heating and mixing involved, but seldom an aging process. Real cheese is a living organism, like people, daffodils, and wine. Processed cheese is essentially "dead", the benefits of which can include a relatively long shelf life, bland uniformity, and reliability. There are many varieties of processed cheese. The US is the premier producer by far, but the Swiss make a fair amount (allegedly as a means of using up "mistakes" from the merciless quality control system of real swiss cheese production) and even the French (gasp!) make process cheese - most notably, La Vache Qui Rit. Nutritionally speaking...well, one really can't.
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