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Please Don't Let Pop Montreal Kill Me

Posted by Matt / October 4, 2005

Well, are you happy Pop Montreal? Are you? You couldn't have just left well enough alone, could you? This is you: "Oh, hey Matt Silver, what's up? Listen, I know you are trying to cut down on the drinking, trying to get your life in order, and I think that's totally cool and shit, but a couple of the guys and me, well, we're gonna be drinking for like 187 hours and we were wondering if you wanted to come?"

And this is me: "Uh...okay."

It is the great joy and the great curse of living in a city like Montreal. On the one hand you can drink everyday and never have to pay for it, and on the other hand you can drink every day and never have to pay for it. This is the great danger of festivals like Pop. They seem so cute and innocent at first, like, what could be wrong about a festival that celebrates cute little indie bands, where the tattoos are cute little birds and cute little pieces of toast. "Oh, c'est mignon!" And then on Tuesday morning you wake up with a gin blossom nose, and piss in your Chuck Taylors.

In short, this festival is trying to kill you!

And it's not just the alcohol that is actually consumed. It is also the alcohol that could possibly be consumed at various rumored after-parties that never really happen, but drag you down to St-Henri all the same because legend has it that they have a fully stocked bar, and there's gonna be girls there. And do you know what the festival does? The festival laughs at you. That's right, it's laughing at you and your crutch as you stumble from duplex to loft, loft to small theatre, small theatre back to duplex, hoping against hope that the next destination will be your last. But it never is.

I vote that we change the festival's name. That's right, Pop Montreal doesn't do enough to warn us of its dangers. Instead, I say we call it the "Children Of The Corn" festival, or the "Village of the Damned" festival, or just the "What appears at first to be harmless and cute but will actually lead to cirrhosis of the liver and years of family therapy for your children" festival. Then I would be able to sleep at night, knowing that we've called a spade a spade, and can begin to deal with the danger openly and honestly.

I guess all that's left to say is that if anyone out there just wants to sit and talk about what Pop Montreal did to them, you know, just work some of those feelings out in kind of like a positive and supportive environment, give me a call. No judgment.

Other Cities: Toronto