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Arts, Music

Black Heart Recession

Posted by MP / August 11, 2006

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Photos by James Larden

I’ve never owned a Black Heart Procession album.

It gets worse; I demanded to go to their Montreal show on August 2nd, even though I’ve actually only heard one or two of their songs.

(You may begin judging me now.)

Still, they occupy a special place in my *ahem* heart. (I swear.)

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It all has to do with an increasing nostalgia for my lost youth and those lost friends (without, of course, the saccharine self-indulgence typical of other conflicted twenty-somethings). A few years ago I was (platonically) in love with the woman who introduced me to BHP. We coined the term “sad pirate music” to describe their sound and we were very proud of ourselves.

Obviously I’ve never forgotten that minor adventure (despite the frightening possibility that an iTunes mix-CD was somehow involved in the process. I admit nothing.)

This is how I came face to face with Black Heart Procession and the ultimate anti-climactic shaft at the Sala Rossa—a poetic justice worthy of Janet Jackson-esque proportions.

The show sucked.


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To keep from throwing up in my mouth, I borrowed a pen instead and kept detailed notes of my antagonistic observations. For your convenience, they’re in a bulleted format, which I’m pleased to reproduce for you now (provided you can picture plenty of quotation marks and exaggerated punctuation to complement the present verb tense):

1.) There are lots of francophones here, which is nice to see in an Anglophone venue;
2.) During a blessed cigarette break, dude from opening band reveals that the big taupe tour bus parked out front was built from scratch by the driver, who, ironically, happens to be the only person who sleeps in a hotel;
3.) Same opening band dude remarks on the weather: “Is it usual to have summer storms like this?” Gee, I dunno, why don’t you just call it a monsoon, and I’ll cream in my pants. Don’t invite me to “chill” on Ste-Catherine Street with you after the gig. Duh.
4.) Hey—why don’t we all get a backpack and dance (are those people francophone? Sorry.)
5.) The bassist in BHP clearly has The Band as a favourite on his MySpace.
6.) Whoa. There’s a lot of long hair/hand held mic action happening on stage. (Maybe this is a current phenomenon that should be restricted to Jim James et. al.)
7.) Is this music gothic or godless?
8.) I’m beginning to think that a saw automatically spells “soundtrack.” Eew. (But at least the lead singer plays an “instrument.”)
9.) Ha! There’s someone freaking out by the stage. Wait—there are lots of freaks here. Shit, someone just spilled a drink on my pretty shoes. Where’s the apology, asshole?
10.) Why am I in such a bad mood? I don’t even hate BHP!


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