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CPC Gangbangs' post-SXSW report

Posted by John / March 26, 2007

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"CPC DePalzey" of Montreal rawk act CPC Gangbangs submitted this account of his experience at SXSW. Photo is of the band's sleeping arrangements in Austin.

Austin 2007 International Music Festival or “How I became a South-Bi”

Every year more then 1,500 bands converge on Austin, Texas for the annual SXSW binge drinking contest, where music fans spend an average of $264 a day. Some bands ride in on a wave of super hype and play numerous sold out shows to adoring fans. Some bands spend thousands of dollars just getting there and play one show for twenty people.

CPC Gangbangs figured in there somewhere.

Wednesday - 3:30AM - Montreal. The four members of CPC Gangbangs emerge from their respective neighbourhood bars after last call and head to the airport. It begins. I’ve found that most good times start with some kind of heinous travel experience, and SXSW was no different. Thirty minutes into the trip I got hauled into customs - I must have set off some sophisticated breathalizer. Anyway, I sweated for almost an hour while five border guards casually finished their breakfast and finally asked me was how old I was, which I incorrectly answered. I gotta give those boys credit - they came up with a doozy.

12:15PM - Austin International Airport
It’s like some kind of rock and roll nightmare; everybody is dressed like us but they’re better looking and have longer hair.

Day 1 Free stuff: Assorted bullshit from SXSW welcome garbage bag. 1 Band Aid (medium). 3 Rum and cokes.
Day 1 Favorite Lyrics: “Sorry, I don’t need you”.
Day 1 Highlight: Airplane quote from fat guy in blazer and sneakers, talking on his cell - “OK Steve, get ready to do Butler!”

Thursday - 3:40PM - South Austin.
I must have had fun last night because all my money is already gone. During Sam the Sham’s show I got Woolly Bullied, and spent the night cleaning the toilet with my puke.

Don’t Text With Texas (or How to spot a Douchebag): “OMG, (insert popular band) R SOOOOOOOO gud. Luv ya. L8tor! LOL! NASA!”
Day 2 Free Stuff: Five pack of blank CDs.
Day 2 Favorite Lyrics: “Chase the darkness ‘till it makes you feel good”
Day 2 Highlight: Around the Clock Bail Bonds slogan: “I got ninety-nine problems, but getting out of jail ain’t one.”

Friday - 4:10PM - South Austin. Woke up with a pretty serious limp. After the Vice show I found myself standing in the Sheraton Hotel’s bathroom in my suit, handing people towels for tips. I made about fifteen bucks until they changed the house music from Otis Redding to “Jam Blues," and I had to get the fuck out of there.

5:15AM - Salvation Army.
I vaguely remember being woken up outside the homeless shelter by someone going through my jacket pocket.

Day 3 Free Stuff: Half a cigarette butt from a bum who felt sorry for me.
Day 3 Favorite Lyrics: “You’re beautiful but it’s just a sketch, you’re lonely as I am I bet. Oh Lord, don’t let him know I’m crying on.”
Day 3 Highlight: By Friday everybody else is too fucked up to care about their angular hair, let alone put on skin tight faded denim, scarfs, knee high silver boots and sheriff blouses. Except the hundreds of guys from LA.


Saturday - 4:25PM - Someone’s Treehouse. Feeling like ten pounds of shit stuffed in a five pound bag. Played a show. Couldn’t hear fuck all. The deafness just creeps in. Doing the daylight stagger now. There are tons of free drinks at the exit of large venues, thanks to the hundreds of ‘music-festers’ streaming in and out, anxious to get to the next “must see” show that they’re going to leave in ten minutes.

Day 4 Free Stuff: Blue pills in a baggie (turned out to be Midol). Crack laced joint, found in a drug store parking lot.
Day 4 Favorite Lyrics: “I wish we were still drinkin. Just one more shot of living, down at the bar.”
Day 4 Highlight: Southern Girl to British Poofter: “Look, if you can’t buy me a beer, then we have nothing to talk about”.


Sunday - 1 PM - Ramada Inn.
Not sure how I got enough facecloths to make a bed. I reek of salsa. I’ve never been in a city where the cabbies ask you, “Where are you going?”, and if they’re not already going there, you’re out of luck. I took the bus home, and a Mexican preacher almost converted me with his “This is Satan’s world” sermon. No kidding buddy. His t-shirt said, “God is awesome, dude”.

Day 5 Free Stuff: Thirty beers, 10 hot dogs.
Day 5 Favorite Lyrics: “I got a bad liver and a broken heart”
Day 5 Highlight: A guy spits out his drink and says “Man, this Marguerita is terrible!” The bartender says, “You ordered a Martini.” The guy replies with total sincerity, “What’s the difference between a Marguerita and a Martini?”

Monday - 10AM - Toodles Airport bar. A giant man wearing shorts and a cowboy hat starts talking to me. “I got pulled over by the cops last week, and the cop comes up to my window and says, ‘How ya’ll doin’, and I say, ‘I was doing pretty fucking good until you showed up’. I got my licence suspended for that one.”

Day 6 Free stuff:
Airline Barf Bag
Day 6 Favorite Lyrics: “Got purpose?”
Day 6 Highlight: After joking loudly about the kiddie-porn version of Three Men and a Baby, we realize one of our band member’s bosses is sitting right in front of us on the plane.

Discussion

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