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Science

An Open Letter to Worry Warts

Posted by Matt / January 4, 2007

Now I know this is going to sound controversial, and I’m not one to stir up the muck, but boy oh boy, if this balmy weather is any indicator of global warming, well by gosh, just count me on board for the global warming train. Toot! Toot!

I mean, my goodness, who could complain about green grass in December, and 18 holes in January? Certainly not me, that’s for darn sure. I mean, a fella sure could get used to this sort of thing.

Now I know a lot of people are “sweatin’ ” this unseasonably warm weather, but I say, cool it. Let’s just sit back and relax and enjoy nature’s little gift to us humans, its favorite tenants. Of course, when I say humans, I mean people who were born in 1954 or earlier and who are looking at the twilight of their wondrously lucky lives. All those born after this date will have no one but god to answer to.

I mean, sure, one day we’ll be looking at famine, half the globe under water, and roving gangs of nihilistic teenagers setting fire to things and knifing other things, huge swaths of urban centers ablaze, humans living underground for so long that evolution will take it upon itself to grow thin membranes over our eyeballs to protect us from the blazing sun, and long spindly fingers so that we can dig further and further away from the surface of the earth, but right now it’s just cozy, ain’t it?

So that’s why I say, “hey environ-mental-ists, put on a pair of shorts, throw on a mesh tank top, and get some of that vitamin sun.” If you want it to get cold so badly, why don’t you take a couple of “chill pills” and hit the links. That’s what I would do, except there is a gang of sinister looking teenagers holding tire-irons and bicycle chains walking down my quiet suburban street, so I’m just going to stay indoors and wait for death.

God bless,

An old person

Discussion

9 Comments

OJ / January 4, 2007 at 11:34 am
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but I was all ready to lace up my skates for some shinny, wax up my nordic skis and puff up my parka. i mean come on! 16 degrees on Saturday (as some would have us believe)? that just isn't right. what good is montreal without bone-chilling winters?
rrrobyn / January 4, 2007 at 11:56 am
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haha, matt, i am totally disturbed by this weather and was just about to write about it! but you beat me to it *and* made me laugh.

btw who wants to go for a bike ride on saturday? :/
scott / January 4, 2007 at 02:05 pm
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all this sun is causing some skin problems for me...oh no...do these look like worry warts to you?
golu dolls / March 20, 2019 at 11:55 pm
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nice post
Kanchipuram sarees / March 20, 2019 at 11:56 pm
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nice post
Kanchipuram sarees / March 20, 2019 at 11:56 pm
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nice post
Herbal Powder / March 20, 2019 at 11:57 pm
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nice post

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