It's Fringe time Montreal. A time where you will see some of the very best and the very worst indie theatre this city has to offer. The plays start tomorrow and run up unti the 20th, and there are way too many acts to choose from. But not to worry! I have judged every single play based solely on its title, and present to you the 10 most promising sounding ones. NOTE: This is not what the plays are actually about.

10. Piss in the Pool
Absolutely! It must be a play about what I plan on doing to all my rich friends this summer! Seriously though, I hope this play is a murder mystery about someone unleashing in the pool and the cast of characters spending an entire hour trying to determine who peed, in which pool, wearing which swim trunks (CLUE style).

9. Pretending things are a cock
Last night I was introduced to a game called "Dick Out", where you lose if someone else shows you their bits. However, this play seems like it could be a much better game and one where girls can participate too! Equality for the win.

8. Un accident de parcours
Ok, I cheated and read the description, and I'll let you find out for yourself whether this one is actually about a hilarious parcours related disfigurement. All I'm gonna say is they won't be staring in any 007 movies soon.

7. I like Cowboys
Who doesn't!! What a great title for a play. I hope there are allusions to popular Western movies and the raging inconsistencies they presented. Like that one movie where Clint Eastwood dodges bullets in a bathtub while Mickey Roonie bathes him. Oh wait...this play better not be about the Dallas Cowboys and feature Tony Romo.

6. How to Survive an Existential Crisis
Remember that Straylight Run song 'Existentialism on prom night'? To be honest, the lyrics didn't make much sense, except that it sounded like a couple had just had sex in sleeping bags on prom night (a la Chris Klein in American Pie). Either way, that goes to show you how much I know about Existentialism. I'm hoping this play will enlighten me.

5. Just us in the bedroom
Every time I pass by this title, I think it says 'Just us in the bathroom', and I giggle like a child. Maybe this play is like that movie "Paranormal Activity". Or maybe its about feelings. God damn do I love feelings.

4. Dry Humping
I used to be really into nostalgia, and this play sounds like it will bring me back to my days of Grade 11 when my entire life revolved around my girlfriend and dry humping was basically considered 'hooking up'.

3. Dead Pigeons Society
I really hope this play is one giant reference to "Good Feathers" that sketch from Animaniacs with the 3 knucklehead mobster pigeons who always reported to the inaudible 'God Pigeon'. Chances are I'm horrendously wrong and it's a parody of the Robin Williams movie.

2. There will be lasers
If this doesn't have robots in the first 5 minutes, I'm going to leave, go home, and write a play about robots living in a dystopian society where they have to do 'normal people things' like go fishing in order to survive. It will be a one man show performed by me in Fringe 2011 and be titled "There will be lasers featuring ACTUAL LASERS".

1. The Duck Wife
Yes...YES! Bestiality at last! Am I the only one who things this is making a comeback? Is it still ok if the animals are Pokemon? Sex with Jigglypuff for the win!